January 2009
Ok, let’s get this first shit out of the way. ...Happy Fucking New Year. Now let’s all move on and get a life. LOL!

Here is the shit that happened so far this past month; January 09 in AC. Naturally, we ain’t perfect, so we might some leave stuff out, but we’ll probably mention most of the shit and the balance might be posted next month. Be fucking patient! LOL!

Ok, to make it easy for you misfits, let’s break it down into categories:
AC’s Fields Ave:

Full of streetkids, beggar-women-carting-babies, vendors. No fucking peace and quiet if you are walking around or sitting outside anywhere. Then again, if peace and quiet is your preference over pussy, then go the fuck to Baguio or someplace like that. LOL!

The best and only advice is to just keep on walking or looking the other way. JUST IGNORE! Don’t waste your fucking time in telling them; “No”, as they will take that as an invitation to torment you further. Don’t even look at them, just act like they don’t exist.
More Pinoy boyfriends hanging out in front of the bars. Being that the mamasans rule the roost, they simply don’t give a fuck, and neither should you. Accept it and deal with it. Just walk on by. It will NEVER fucking change.

Doorgirls are a thing of the past. Most bars now just plop the ugliest fattest sorriest cunt out front. The biggest offenders are the Dollhouse Group of bars, Dr.Holmes, Gentlemen’s Club, Welcome Inn, Dirty Duck, Neros, Vortex, etc. The list is endless. What a fucking turn-off. One of the few bars with a positive view on doorgirls is Body Shop, Geckos, and LA Pasha.

A new Mercury Drug (well, actually relocated from nearby) opened right beside Rosa’s Handicrafts on MacArthur, just south of the foot of Fields. Just another joint to pick up your Zithromax,fuckerLOL!

 

 

This little Internet Cafe at the foot of A.Santos St. Appears to be a pretty hot hangout for “bottom-barrel-girls. It seems to have a slew of Pinoy trikedriver boyfriends parked right outside. Looks like a mini version of Social Hygiene around the corner. LOL!

 

 

 

 



Johnny’s is STILL a neat place to meet off-work girls, or even better...girls with absentee boyfriends. LOL!



 

 

 

 

Remember “Efren’s Refrigeration”? Well, that long-established joint was sold...now called; “Isothermat”. (where the fuck do they get the names from? LOL!)

 

 
Clark Airport City Terminal:

Remember that shitty old building where Swagman Travel, Domino’s Pizza, etc. At Checkpoint used to be? Well the old dinosaur is STILL on hold with renovation. No money. LOL!

 
Da Bars:

Valhalla: (The old DMZ Bar)
Just opened late this month. They sport a winner lineup of fuglies, but give ‘em time...their excuse is it just opened, diba? Hell! Sir Lancelot Bar hasn’t changed for the better in the last several years! LOL!


 

 

Happy Rock: (Formerly “Goodtimes Bar”)
There has been very low-profile reno-work being done to the place this past month. Ya know...no typical new signage...no piles of sand or groups of workers hanging around outside...no expats standing in front of the place, hands upon their hips, with that “I am gonna own a bar” attitude. LOL! It looks like just a general cleanup of the place....all very hush-hush! LOL! Let’s wait and see!

Coyote Ugly:
Now some other sucker purchased it and is renaming it; “Midnight Rock”. Local drinks are reportedly a good ‘ol 45php all afternoon and early evening. LDs run 120 for the same timeframe. Hurray! They even have a fucking website. Look it up yourself! LOL!

Molly Malones:
Another stroke of brilliance.....take a long-established bar on Fields...and convert it into an already-proven losing-venture! A fucking gambling den! (“Double As Poker Club) Hooray! Hey BNE-guys! Have you even noticed what has happened to your now-defunct slot machines in your bars across the street? Hello!!!! LOL!

 

 

 

 

 

Paradise Bar:
Still closed. What a fucking mess that place became since John and his now-estranged wife took the place over when it was still Angels.

 

 

 

Neros Forum:
New exterior paint job. Big fucking deal! Still a shithole.

 

 

 

 

Flaming Bar:
Still there. Dead as a doormat. Even the pool leagues don’t go there.

 

 

 

SkyTrax:
STILL under a major interior and exterior reno. Rumor has they are catering for a “higher” class of clientele. Go figure! LOL!

 

 

 

 

Sunshine Bar: 
Pinoy owned and managed. (the long-haired karaoke singer...formerly from Black Jack Bar) We’ll wait and see. It all depends on the girls. Willie Pig’s place being right beside it might help.

 
Hotels/Apartelles:

Vistilanna Hotel:
Neat little place. Cleaner and nicer than one might expect. Rooms not that much different than the ones at Donald Paul Apartelle...for quite a bit cheaper. Guess what! The place is somehow ALWAYS fully booked! Go figure! LOL! The 650 ac/cableTV 5% monthly discount, 10% monthly discount might be a reason for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clarkton Hotel:
Offering Promo rates: 1350, 1650, 1850, 1950, 2300, 2800, 3100, 3250, 3900 for a variety of room styles. They even offer a weird discount of 5% off if you pay in advance and in cash, PLUS an extra 5% for one week stays...all taxes included. Shit! They must be raking in the guests to need offering those discounts! LOL!

Donald Paul Apartelle:
Under new ownership/management. The exterior is weirdly nicer than the interior. Decent cafe/restaurant, but food quality yet unknown.  Terrific service from the friendly front desk staff. A refreshing change from a lot of other joints in the area. Admittingly decent prices; 900, 1400, 1500, 1899 5% discount for weekly stays.

Kinda interesting location...right across Social Hygiene on A. Surla St.

They are STILL trying to sell the place. Wierd. They are also now offering “Grand Opening Rates” for 799php. They even got an elevator! LOL! A combo of “FOR SALE” and “GRAND OPENING”. Fucking funny.

The portraits hanging around the entrance and restaurant are cute, but also a sheer indication as to the self-appointment/indulgent some of these bar/restaurant /hotel/ business-owners go through displaying in their establishments. What the heck!  The place is tri-confused mode .... New Ownership/Management....Grand Opening...and For Sale...all at the same time. Fucking amazing! LOL!

 

 

Valentino’s Luxury Hotel: (gotta love the fucking original names! LOL!)
Right in the underbelly of the Fields district. Don’t know their prices yet. The zone outside is still a construction mess and is noisy as hell both day and night. Some kinda absurd “luxury”. LOL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hotel EuroAsia: (formerly Europhil)
First a “Soft Opening”....turning into a “Not Open At All”. LOL! Best of luck guys. Sincerely.

 

 

 

 

Villa Modesto:
Extensive reno almost completed. (lets home they removed all the mites and roaches! LOL!) Lets wait and see what the place offers when it opens. A low-budget clean hostel/backpackers haven would be ideal....especially if they could finally figure out how to keep the fucking pool clean. LOL!

Cashville Apartments: (yet another fucking hilarious name!)


625-8197 Kurt 0923-811-8565 The guard manning the placed had no clue as to any info about the place....other than it being way back in some obscure area off Perimeter Road...dark as hell at night...not any placed I would want to lurch home to after a night of barhopping. Shiver!

 

 

 

Four Season’s Homes:
0917-501-4348 Down the road from the VFW. Doesn’t look that bad.

 

 

Lorietta’s Apartelle:
On Teodoro Street, before Norma’s Money Changer. Decent rates. Noisy location.

 
Restaurants:
Bourbon Street Bar:
Belly-up. Big surprise. Shitty food + Shitty service. Soon to open (ya..REAL soon! LOL!) Ned Kelly’s Aussie Sports Pub. Some guys just NEVER learn! It all about the girls!!!! If Aussies want to drink and watch sports, they stumble over to either Shanos or over to the Swagman.

 

 

 

Willie Pig’s Coffee Shop & Diner:

Was popular before beside Cheers Bar. Is even more popular now at its more-visible location. Food is good, large portions and quick. Not cheap, but the portion size makes it decent-priced. The place looks packed each and every night since it opened, and perhaps justly so.

 

 

 

 

McDonalds:
New joint at the tail-end of Fields. Busy. Popular. Terrific location. Good on you, Gerrard! LOL!

 

 

 

 

Brass Knob Restaurant:
I dunno what it is about the place, but it always seems to have a reasonable gang of customers sitting and drinking outside. Perhaps worth a visit to find out why. LOL!

 

 

 

Asti’s:

Near the 'ol SilverBullet Bar, across the street.
Absolutely fucking amazing! Food with comparable taste and quality of the cuisine at the famous C’Dining, but at a fraction of the price. Actually, with food and drinks, it will cost you a third of the price. The service lacks in snobbery & sophistication, but makes up for it in kindness and shy sweetness of the waitresses there. A “gotta visit” kinda place.



Greenwich SM Clark:
Shitty service. Long wait for fucking fast food, and for the first time in my experience, they serve you food with shitty plating-presentation...on a fucking chipped dish nonetheless. Fucking disappointing.

 
Massage:
Lady Lyn Health Studio Sauna Massage:
250php for a shitty massage in an even shitter surrounding. They barely have running water to rinse your balls after. Extras are offered from 250php to 500php more. Naturally they will try to shaft the white guy for 1000php. A worthwhile tryout for just once...just to know you lowered yourself to Shitbox level. LOL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bodybliss Spa Massage:
Decent massage, but still overpriced for 500php.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Classique Touch Massage – Jaccuzi - Body Scrub
Shitty massage on a mite-infested carpet floor. There ain’t no fucking jaccuzi. It resembles a black plastic tub used to wash pork at a butchershop. Yuck! What a fucking waste of humanity for 500php!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harogate Spa Massage: (045)889-9150
Terrific Shiatsu massage for a measly 250php. A tip of 50php will suffice. Guess what! They offer home/hotel/room service for the same whopping 250php price. By far, the absolute BEST value EVER in AC. Unparalleled service. No official extras, so don’t embarrass yourself by trying. They also offer a manicure/pedicure service for a measly 100php each for home/hotel/room service as well. The wisest and most sensible idea AC has seen in the longest time.
There ya go...that’s about all thats left for this month. If I forgot or missed something, go and shit on someone else’s shoulder that actually cares. LOL!

No, i am not gonna complain about my age, my balls aching, or my wife doing something, cause no one gives a shit nor want to hear about that.

See ya in February. And remember now; Try and stay out of shit! LOL!

 
Disclaimer:
Here is a brief and straight update about our favourite town to visit. (but of course not to live in. LOL!)

What can I say? What is this shitty Newsletter all about?

Well, let’s start by telling you what we ain’t....

•We ain’t here to tell you about our personal life, wife, friends or trips back to our home-country.
•We aren’t here to post SPAM for our pal’s hotels, restaurants, bars or condos.
•We ain’t here to post clips of local newspaper articles about AC and state our non-important opinions about it, cause nobody gives a shit.
•We don’t post about world-events or politics. Read the fucking newspaper for that!
•We assume everyone reading this already KNOWS what and where AC is, hence we don’t need to post a fucking map of the shithole.
•We all know that 99% of the visitors/residents in AC mostly NEVER have the “setup” troubles so vehemently and uselessly talked about on other “Newsletters”, so we won’t waste your fucking time with that. If you are stupid enough to entertain a street-urchin , an underage girl or drugs in AC, then you surely deserve the shit you’re gonna get. Try pulling those stunts in Thailand or Vietnam and see what shit happens to you there.
•Most folks who visit AC loved it, hence the return again and again. No, it ain’t a perfect place, but its sure as hell good enough for guys to suffer intense PPD upon leaving AC. Sure there are complaints, but we won’t post ‘em, cause we all know ‘em already.
•We don’t give a shit about bar/hotel /restaurant owners or who is/was stupid /desperate enough to invest in them. We only post info/updates about the businesses themselves....how they pertain to the customers.
•We aren’t going to post shit about foreigners in trouble, robbed or shot, cause frankly it rarely happens to most visitors/residents in AC, and no one gives a shit.
•We won’t post about guys who died, moved or got married. No one gives a shit. If you do, then join Friendster.com. ....in fact....we won’t post anything at all about other guys. If you are looking for something like that, go and read a fucking faggot newsletter.
•We are not going to post about no fucking fundraisers, men’s clubs or Rotary clubs. No one gives a shit.
•We ain’t going to post nothing about holidays, traffic or the fucking weather.....if it has nothing to do with the bars or barhoppers.
•We aren’t kissing anyone’s ass. We don’t give a shit.
Well, now that you got that shit off your shoulder, let us tell you what we DO:

•We post info/updates about bars, restaurants and hotels in AC.
•We only list what you might need to know, not shit-gossip about any owners.
•We add more humor into our newsletter than most others do.
•We tell it like it is. Short and sweet.
•We know you just want the facts without the fanfare.
•We don’t post boring endless shit like the other Newsletters. (Don’t get me wrong...we respect the Margarita Station’s Newsletter and Harry The Horse Newsletter.....but wake up guys...it’s fucking 2009! NOT 1969 for fuck’s sake!)
•We don’t advertise shit! We just state shit like it is.

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